an a to z of... (part one)

an a to z of...

things drawn and coloured in 

and given voices and made to move

by humans

A a

albert the fifth musketeer

'he's sharp he's cool he's nobody's fool

he's albert 

the fifth musketeer.'

oh and he uses spaghetti as a weapon,

which i think is a little bit marvellous.

B b

banana man

'this is eric

a school boy who leads an amazing double life. 

for when eric eats a banana an amazing transformation occurs.

eric is banana man

ever alert for the call to action!'

pretty much my favourite superhero ever.

except for the statesman.

obviously.

C c

casper the friendly ghost

'casper the friendly ghost,

the friendliest ghost you know.

the grown-ups might look at him with fright,

but the children all love him so.'

and it's not creepy because he was never a dead child.

there was no gory premature demise.

i checked!

his ghost parents just got married and had a ghost baby.

that's all.

D d

dump pea

of poddington pea fame.

you know.

the one about the anthropomorphic peas living down at the bottom of the garden

among the birds and the beas?

there's hap pea who is happy.

scrap pea who is scrappy.

nap pea who wears a nappy.

yep.

you get the gist.

dump pea 

'fat, greedy, dumpy pea. always eating.'

(usually jam tarts)

anywho.

watch this and never be sad again.

E e

ermintrude

'what are you doing?' said dougal

'i'm flying my kite' said ermintrude. 

'very relaxing. would you like to have a try?

'it's unnatural.' said dougal 

'cows don't fly kites. 

cows eat grass and do a lot of mooing 

and lying about in fields and things of that nature.'

'well perhaps she felt like a change,' said florence

'thats hardly a reason to fly a kite,' said dougal.

F f

fireman sam

'he's always on the scene

(fireman sam)

and his engine's bright and clean

(fireman sam)

you can not ignore

sam is the hero next door.'

did anyone else find him strangely attractive?

oh dear.

G g

grumpy

'angel, ha!

she's a female. and all females is poison.

they're full of wicked wiles.'

H h

mr hare

a critical and unforgiving type of hare

from the most traumatic cartoon of my childhood,

'the animals of farthing wood'.

there is at least one genuinely disturbing death per episode.

bulldozer deaths, road-crossing deaths, fox mauling deaths,

particularly bloody poacher's snare deaths,

drownings, hypothermia, starvation.

it all got a bit much. 

so i wrote a letter to this man

toby anstis

(fresh faced british children's television presenter of the nineties)

and i asked him to ask the farthing wood makers to stop killing all the animals.

and what did he do about it?

nothing.

nothing at all.

they just kept on dying.

I i

inspector gadget

do-do-do-do-do

inspector gadget.

you should probably check this fellow out.

i want to bake him a cake.

J j

jiminy h. cricket

jiminy cricket - 'now you see, the world is full of temptations'

pinocchio - 'temptations?'

jiminy cricket - 'yep, temptations.

they're the wrong things that seem right at the time... 

but... uh...

the right things may seem wrong sometimes,

or sometimes the wrong things may be right at the wrong time,

or vice versa...

do you understand?'

pinnochio - 'uh uh. but i'm gonna do right.'

jiminy cricket - 'atta boy, pinoke. and i'm gonna help ya!'

K k

king louie

'now don't try to kid me, man cub,

i made a deal with you.

what i desire is man's red fire

to make my dream come true.

give me the secret, man cub,

clue me what to do.

give me the power of man's red flower

so i can be like you.'

L l

ludwig

ludwig is a glass egg 

with mechanical arms and legs

who plays the violin.

the action is narrated

by a faceless man in a deerstalker

who hides in the bushes.

in this episode

ludwig does some squats and lunges

and then blows up a bath.

oh they don't make them like this anymore.

ludwig?

i think i love you.

M m

moomintroll

moomintroll 

(fifth from the right,

the blue-eyed naked one with the spade)

lives in the moominhouse

with moominmamma and moominpappa.

he has a keen sense of adventure,

his best friend is snufkin

and he is a little bit in love with snork maiden. 

(well she is rather beautiful)

"i only want to live in peace and plant potatoes and dream"

- tove jansson, moomin comic strip: book one

"i'll have to calm down a bit. or else i'll burst with happiness."

- tove jansson, moominsummer madness"

ps 

oh me oh my

it's moomin pez!