N n
noddy
'if you have small children and they don't like noddy,
you are very lucky.
this insipid wooden doll
with its nodding head crowned with cap and bell,
with its taxi and its friend big ears,
has opened a rift between parents and children,
which time alone may heal.'
- excerpt from 'a parent's lament', 1958
'this monotonously infantile character,
who is frequently heard to say that he doesn't like being sensible
but would far rather be silly,
seems to have been put together from the
weakest and least desirable attributes of childhood.
it is hard to explain the persistent popularity
of these trivial, repetitive stories
with their small, retarded, masochistic hero.'
- fisher, 'who's who in children's literature?' 1975
' "noddy," said one librarian, was "gutless, foolish and sadistic."
but, of course,
noddy can never be quite the same when you've passed, say,
the age of five.'
- woman's weekly, 1978
who knew the little wooden boy with the nodding head was so reviled?
masochistic, insipid, sadistic?
i have too much to say.
angry noddy blog coming soon.
ps
the noddy joke from 'cemetery junction'
you're welcome.
O o
olive oyl
the long thin lady
at the heart of the eternal love triangle
between popeye and bluto.
bluto - 'what's that?'
popeye - 'it's olive oyl! i've gotta save her!'
bluto - 'i'll save her, you pop eyed freak!'
popeye - 'bluto. even though you're bigger than me, you can't win,
'cause you're bad, and the good always wins over the bad.'
P p
penny crayon
'penny crayon can draw anything she likes,
like cats and dogs and crocodiles
and juggernauts and bikes.
but penny's magic drawings are not like any other,
they walk and talk and come to life
creating lots of bother.'
if i had penny crayon's powers
i would draw phil spencer.
Q q
queen of hearts
'who's been painting my roses red?
who's been painting my roses red?
who dares to taint with vulgar paint
the royal flower bed?
for painting my roses red
someone will lose his head.'
R r
rude dog
yo dudes
get rude
'you can lead a dweeb to info
but you can't make him think'
- rude dog, 1989
slam your eyeballs against this!
S s
spongebob square pants
'excuse me sir but you're sitting on my body
which is also my face.'
T t
tommy pickles
'i don't care what anybody says, chuckie!
nakie is good.
nakie is free.
nakie is... nakie!'
U u
ursula
the scariest disney villain.
the most depressing relationship advice.
'the men up there don't like a lot of blabber.
they think a girl who gossips is a bore.
yes
on land it's much preferred
for ladies not to say a word.
after all dear
what is idle pratter for?
they're not all that impressed with conversation
true gentlemen avoid it when they can.
but they dote and swoon and fawn
on a lady who's withdrawn.
it's she who holds her tongue who gets her man.'
V v
velma dinkley
oh oh.
she has her own website.
www.velmadinkley.com
(in appreciation of the most
under-appreciated of the scooby-doo clan)
and and.
there's an 'ask velma' page.
ritchie asks -
hey velmster!
i really dig the outfit.
where can i buy a pleated skirt and orange turtleneck and matching knee socks
for my wife?
you look quite hot in them so i figure my wife would also.
brilliant.
W w
william
and his wish wellingtons
this boy takes his wellington-wishing seriously.
for he doesn't waste wishes on any old crap.
in 'william the conkeror'
he wishes for
'a conker elephant-proof enough to win the championship.'
it was a pretty impressive conker.
and he did win the championship.
and he shared the trophy with the fat girl with the bad hair cut.
bloody good bloke.
X x
clearly cartoon characters beginning with x
(much like words beginning with x)
are few and far between
so i'm not even going to pretend that i have one.
isn't x an unnecessary letter?
if one day we are asked to get rid of a letter from our alphabet
then x should be the one to go.
it doesn't do anything that a
'z' or a 'cks' can't do.
zylophone makes much more sense than xylophone.
and if we can have socks and locks
why can't we have a brush-tailed focks
and a cardboard bocks?
x is unnecessary.
see you later x.
xoxo
Y y
yogi bear
cindy - 'it's the time for whispering sweet nothings in one's ear'
yogi - 'now that i can oblige'
cindy - 'oh, yogi'
yogi - 'nothing.
nothing, nothing nothing.
nothing.
and because you're such a good kid here's another nothing
for nothing.'
Z z
zephir
zephir is the mischievous monkey friend of babar
king of the elephants,
a wise leader in a green suit.
the cartoon series first aired in nineteen eighty-nine
but is based on the series of children's books
created by jean de brunhoff.
the first story,
'histoire de babar'
was published in nineteen thirty nine.
jean de brunhoff wrote and illustrated six more stories
before he died of tuberculosis in nineteen thirty seven
at the age of thirty-seven.
his son laurent, also a writer and illustrator,
continued his father's work.
and i ever so love their illustrations.
i also ever so love this.
it's a babar bento box!
the end
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