i'm moving!

greetings!

my blog and i are packing our bags and moving to sunnier shores.

thebeangarden.tumblr.com 

is our new home.

it's easier to use.

and easier to read.

and generally way heaps betterer in most every way.

i hope you come and visit!

an a to z of... (part two)

N n

noddy

'if you have small children and they don't like noddy,
you are very lucky.
this insipid wooden doll
with its nodding head crowned with cap and bell,
with its taxi and its friend big ears,
has opened a rift between parents and children,
which time alone may heal.'
- excerpt from 'a parent's lament', 1958


'this monotonously infantile character,
who is frequently heard to say that he doesn't like being sensible
but would far rather be silly,
seems to have been put together from the 
weakest and least desirable attributes of childhood.
it is hard to explain the persistent popularity
of these trivial, repetitive stories
with their small, retarded, masochistic hero.'
- fisher, 'who's who in children's literature?' 1975


' "noddy," said one librarian, was "gutless, foolish and sadistic."
but, of course,
noddy can never be quite the same when you've passed, say,
the age of five.'
- woman's weekly, 1978


who knew the little wooden boy with the nodding head was so reviled?
masochistic, insipid, sadistic?
i have too much to say.
angry noddy blog coming soon.


ps
the noddy joke from 'cemetery junction'
you're welcome.

O o
olive oyl

the long thin lady
at the heart of the eternal love triangle
between popeye and bluto.


bluto - 'what's that?'
popeye - 'it's olive oyl! i've gotta save her!'
bluto - 'i'll save her, you pop eyed freak!'
popeye - 'bluto. even though you're bigger than me, you can't win,
'cause you're bad, and the good always wins over the bad.'


P p
penny crayon

'penny crayon can draw anything she likes,
like cats and dogs and crocodiles
and juggernauts and bikes.
but penny's magic drawings are not like any other,
they walk and talk and come to life
creating lots of bother.'


if i had penny crayon's powers
i would draw phil spencer.

and then i would marry him.




Q q
queen of hearts

'who's been painting my roses red?
who's been painting my roses red?
who dares to taint with vulgar paint
the royal flower bed?
for painting my roses red
someone will lose his head.'


R r
rude dog 

yo dudes
get rude


'you can lead a dweeb to info
but you can't make him think'
- rude dog, 1989


slam your eyeballs against this!

S s
spongebob square pants

'excuse me sir but you're sitting on my body
which is also my face.'


T t
tommy pickles

'i don't care what anybody says, chuckie!
nakie is good.
nakie is free.
nakie is... nakie!'

U u
ursula

the scariest disney villain.
the most depressing relationship advice.

'the men up there don't like a lot of blabber.
they think a girl who gossips is a bore.
yes
on land it's much preferred
for ladies not to say a word.
after all dear
what is idle pratter for?
they're not all that impressed with conversation
true gentlemen avoid it when they can.
but they dote and swoon and fawn
on a lady who's withdrawn.
it's she who holds her tongue who gets her man.'


V v
velma dinkley

oh oh.
she has her own website.
www.velmadinkley.com
(in appreciation of the most 
under-appreciated of the scooby-doo clan)
and and.
there's an 'ask velma' page.


ritchie asks - 
hey velmster!
i really dig the outfit.
where can i buy a pleated skirt and orange turtleneck and matching knee socks
for my wife?
you look quite hot in them so i figure my wife would also.


brilliant.


W w
william
and his wish wellingtons

this boy takes his wellington-wishing seriously.
for he doesn't waste wishes on any old crap. 
in 'william the conkeror'
he wishes for
'a conker elephant-proof enough to win the championship.'


it was a pretty impressive conker.
and he did win the championship.

and he shared the trophy with the fat girl with the bad hair cut.
bloody good bloke.


X x


clearly cartoon characters beginning with x 
(much like words beginning with x)
are few and far between
so i'm not even going to pretend that i have one.


isn't x an unnecessary letter?
if one day we are asked to get rid of a letter from our alphabet
then x should be the one to go.


it doesn't do anything that a 
'z' or a 'cks' can't do.
zylophone makes much more sense than xylophone.
and if we can have socks and locks
why can't we have a brush-tailed focks
and a cardboard bocks?
x is unnecessary.
see you later x. 
xoxo


Y y
yogi bear

cindy - 'it's the time for whispering sweet nothings in one's ear'
yogi - 'now that i can oblige'
cindy - 'oh, yogi'
yogi - 'nothing. 
nothing, nothing nothing. 
nothing.
and because you're such a good kid here's another nothing 
for nothing.'


Z z
zephir

zephir is the mischievous monkey friend of babar
king of the elephants,
a wise leader in a green suit.

the cartoon series first aired in nineteen eighty-nine
but is based on the series of children's books
created by jean de brunhoff.
the first story, 
'histoire de babar'
was published in nineteen thirty nine.
jean de brunhoff wrote and illustrated six more stories
before he died of tuberculosis in nineteen thirty seven
at the age of thirty-seven.
his son laurent, also a writer and illustrator,
continued his father's work.


and i ever so love their illustrations.

i also ever so love this.
it's a babar bento box!

(www.annathered.com)


the end

some things that i love this week

hello there!

here are some things that i love this week

my new book

"recipe for murder"

by esterelle payany

it's a recipe book inspired by the murderers and villains

of fairy tales and fiction.

i'm super excited to make 

the queen of hearts' treacle tart.

oh oh,

and paprika hendl.

a romanian dish inspired by 
bram stoker's count dracula.

yummo. 
food & stories.
pretty much my two favourite things.

&

the word chabacano.

it means apricot in spanish.

&

these pencil set drawings 

by ghostpatrol

that i saw on www.ghostpatrol.net

how lovely are they?

go have a looksie at the gallery on his website.
there are lots of excellent things there.

&

fourteen dollar steaks at palookaville on brunswick st

after spanish class on wednesday nights

&

"the gashlycrumb tinies"

by edward gorey

&

saying 'ghoul' the way jay z says it

&


this balloon mansion

&

aussie stand up comedian

sam simmons.

in the words of my sister jo

"he's mental. 

i think he has a psychiatric disorder of some kind."

"i really really hate basil.

basil is an unfair herb because it doesn't mingle with the other flavours.

it just dominates the flavour.

and for that,

you can fuck off basil!"

yep.

i really really want to see him.

&

the polaroid camera

that i bought on a whim from ebay.

i haven't met it yet.

and i don't think i'm going to know what to do with it.

but i love it.

&

my leopard print snuggie.

but i love that every week.

the end.

an a to z of... (part one)

an a to z of...

things drawn and coloured in 

and given voices and made to move

by humans

A a

albert the fifth musketeer

'he's sharp he's cool he's nobody's fool

he's albert 

the fifth musketeer.'

oh and he uses spaghetti as a weapon,

which i think is a little bit marvellous.

B b

banana man

'this is eric

a school boy who leads an amazing double life. 

for when eric eats a banana an amazing transformation occurs.

eric is banana man

ever alert for the call to action!'

pretty much my favourite superhero ever.

except for the statesman.

obviously.

C c

casper the friendly ghost

'casper the friendly ghost,

the friendliest ghost you know.

the grown-ups might look at him with fright,

but the children all love him so.'

and it's not creepy because he was never a dead child.

there was no gory premature demise.

i checked!

his ghost parents just got married and had a ghost baby.

that's all.

D d

dump pea

of poddington pea fame.

you know.

the one about the anthropomorphic peas living down at the bottom of the garden

among the birds and the beas?

there's hap pea who is happy.

scrap pea who is scrappy.

nap pea who wears a nappy.

yep.

you get the gist.

dump pea 

'fat, greedy, dumpy pea. always eating.'

(usually jam tarts)

anywho.

watch this and never be sad again.

E e

ermintrude

'what are you doing?' said dougal

'i'm flying my kite' said ermintrude. 

'very relaxing. would you like to have a try?

'it's unnatural.' said dougal 

'cows don't fly kites. 

cows eat grass and do a lot of mooing 

and lying about in fields and things of that nature.'

'well perhaps she felt like a change,' said florence

'thats hardly a reason to fly a kite,' said dougal.

F f

fireman sam

'he's always on the scene

(fireman sam)

and his engine's bright and clean

(fireman sam)

you can not ignore

sam is the hero next door.'

did anyone else find him strangely attractive?

oh dear.

G g

grumpy

'angel, ha!

she's a female. and all females is poison.

they're full of wicked wiles.'

H h

mr hare

a critical and unforgiving type of hare

from the most traumatic cartoon of my childhood,

'the animals of farthing wood'.

there is at least one genuinely disturbing death per episode.

bulldozer deaths, road-crossing deaths, fox mauling deaths,

particularly bloody poacher's snare deaths,

drownings, hypothermia, starvation.

it all got a bit much. 

so i wrote a letter to this man

toby anstis

(fresh faced british children's television presenter of the nineties)

and i asked him to ask the farthing wood makers to stop killing all the animals.

and what did he do about it?

nothing.

nothing at all.

they just kept on dying.

I i

inspector gadget

do-do-do-do-do

inspector gadget.

you should probably check this fellow out.

i want to bake him a cake.

J j

jiminy h. cricket

jiminy cricket - 'now you see, the world is full of temptations'

pinocchio - 'temptations?'

jiminy cricket - 'yep, temptations.

they're the wrong things that seem right at the time... 

but... uh...

the right things may seem wrong sometimes,

or sometimes the wrong things may be right at the wrong time,

or vice versa...

do you understand?'

pinnochio - 'uh uh. but i'm gonna do right.'

jiminy cricket - 'atta boy, pinoke. and i'm gonna help ya!'

K k

king louie

'now don't try to kid me, man cub,

i made a deal with you.

what i desire is man's red fire

to make my dream come true.

give me the secret, man cub,

clue me what to do.

give me the power of man's red flower

so i can be like you.'

L l

ludwig

ludwig is a glass egg 

with mechanical arms and legs

who plays the violin.

the action is narrated

by a faceless man in a deerstalker

who hides in the bushes.

in this episode

ludwig does some squats and lunges

and then blows up a bath.

oh they don't make them like this anymore.

ludwig?

i think i love you.

M m

moomintroll

moomintroll 

(fifth from the right,

the blue-eyed naked one with the spade)

lives in the moominhouse

with moominmamma and moominpappa.

he has a keen sense of adventure,

his best friend is snufkin

and he is a little bit in love with snork maiden. 

(well she is rather beautiful)

"i only want to live in peace and plant potatoes and dream"

- tove jansson, moomin comic strip: book one

"i'll have to calm down a bit. or else i'll burst with happiness."

- tove jansson, moominsummer madness"

ps 

oh me oh my

it's moomin pez!